guest post | Julian Newman
I had a milestone birthday recently (Milestone Birthday: Any age that ends with “0”). It made me reflect on my life, and what God has accomplished in and throughout. And while it is true that God did a work, so much of it was a back and forth struggle.
Me, struggling against God’s plan, God’s process and God’s purpose.
Me, working to find a shortcut, an alternate route or another way.
Me, negotiating His crystal clear commands into soft compromises.
At the very same time I’ve struggled with Him, He’s been struggling too.
Having to corner me, sending me down a dead-end street just to get my attention.
Tackling and tripping me, taking me down when I ran in the wrong direction.
Allowing me to feel the pain of the choices that I made, making sure I’d never forget.
I struggled because I thought I knew better; He struggled because He knew He did.
I struggled because I was a rebel; He struggled because He loved me in spite of it.
I struggled because of my lack of faith; He struggled because He is always faithful.
Struggling with God is costly, agonizing and exhausting. And the crazy thing is, in our struggle with God, we only win when we lose.
Going forward, I don’t want to struggle and wrestle with God anymore.
I just want to surrender, believe and go where He is leading.
Julian Newman is a leadership catalyst that uses art, the written/spoken word, and creativity to help organizations and individuals find their unique purpose and the courage to live it out. A 17-year veteran of pastoral ministry, Julian lives in Grand Rapids, Mich., with his wife Tiffany and his 3 daughters. Find him at JulianNewman.org.